Funny Christmas Quotations

As at Halloween and Thanksgiving, I always had my students do sentence completions for Christmas characters to work on punctuation and creative writing. Also, to make language skill practice more fun!

From my collection:

As the elf watched Santa get in the sleigh he said,

• "You win the bet, Twinkles. He still fits."


• "Ya know, Santa makes the Pillsbury Doughboy look like a stringbean."


• "Whatcha wanna bet Rudolph stops too fast and that new airbag goes off?"
  

Rudolph whispered to Blitzen,

• "Since you're riding behind me, I better warn you I just had some of Mrs. C.'s red hot North Pole baked beans."


• "If you don't quit calling me buffalo butt I'm gonna clobber you."


• "If you'll give me your dessert I'll let you ride in front."


• "I hardly slept a wink last night. Couldn't turn my doggone nose off."


• "Pass the word-- we're bustin' outta this joint tonight."


• "I've got a song about me and you don't."

The little boy thought as he put out milk and cookies,

• "I know someone who needs these cookies a lot more than that fat old man who ought to be on a diet anyway!"


• "I sure hope I get more than I deserve."


• "Well, I've got the burglar alarm set and the video camera aimed up the chimney. All systems are go!"
  

On Christmas morning the Grinch climbed out of bed and said,

• "I turned rotten the year Santa didn't bring me an electric train."


• "Oh, man. I forgot to steal Christmas. Oh, well. I'll just steal Valentine's Day instead."


• "Oh, what a nightmare! I dreamed I was Santa's little helper with . . . yuck. . . red and white tights!"


• "Maybe if Mama hadn't named me Grinch I wouldn't be in such a bad mood all the time."
  
  

Frosty the Snowman looked around and said,

• "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"


• "Has anyone seen my corncob pipe? I can't see much with these eyes made out of coal."


• "I'm still pretty shook up from seeing Bigfoot's footprints in the snow last week."
  
• "Does anybody see where I left my legs?"

As Santa hopped into his sleigh he said,

• "I hope I remembered to turn on my teddy bear night light."
  
• "Don't worry, reindeer. Mrs. C. gave me a membership in Weight Watchers."


• "Yahoo! Ride 'em, cowboy. Oops, I forgot. I'm not a cowboy, I'm Santa Claus."


• "If we hurry maybe we'll have time to stop at Granny's Doughnuts."


• "Hmmm. Has this sleigh shrunk, or what?"


• "Now let's see if I can remember where the ignition is on this thing."

More to follow soon! Try some yourself (especially you teachers out there!)

Brain Games for Babies!

I've been threatening/promising to blog about this topic for a long time. Well, the time has come. I hope some things I share over the coming months help a young parent, or a grandparent to see what a fertile field a young child's mind is, and how crucial it is to cultivate that field from birth, if not before.

Most of my ideas will be plagiarized from Jackie Silberg's book, 125 Brain Games for Babies, which has impressed me immeasurably. I would not endorse these if they were just attempts to make superbabies, or transform babies into the next Einstein. Rather, these are simple, relaxing, and enjoyable activities for both the parent and child. They stimulate and nourish the innate hunger for knowledge and experiences that every child has-- at least until they hit school!

Here is the premise for these activities as stated on the book's jacket:

The baby's brain is growing at an incredible rate, and learning constantly. Every perception, every stimulus, every piece of information becomes part of the baby's foundation of knowledge for the rest of its life. The baby's brain is the most responsive organ known. It is hungering, yearning for stimulation and interaction.

Many of these activities are disarmingly familiar, natural, and simple. And that is the beauty of them. As in the book, I will use "he" and "she" interchangeably rather than saying "he or she" ad infinitem. I hope you enjoy these.

What Brain Research says:

Birth to 3 Months

The more gentle the stimulation you give an infant, the greater the number of brain synapses and connections that are formed.

• 
  
  Infants as young as one day old recognize the voices of their parents. If you patted your tummy and talked to your baby while she was in the womb, she will know the sound of your voice.


• 
  
  While your infant is lying on her back, walk to one side of the crib and call out her name.


• 
  
  Keep saying her name until she moves her eyes or her head toward the sound.


• 
  
  Walk to the other side of the crib and say her name again.


• 
  
  Gently massage her body as you smile into her eyes and say her name.

An Afternoon with Baby Evelyn

We had a most enchanting afternoon with Sally and her 5 month-old darling Evelyn today. Amanda joined us for lunch and we played and chatted until late afternoon. Here, Evelyn is quite intrigued by my book 125 Brain Games for Babies. She said there were a few she hadn't tried before (Evelyn, not Sally).

If you don't like silly captions, just look at the pictures below. As for me, I LOVE silly captions.

"Hey, where did these come from?"

(Alternate: "Wow, I'm symmetrical!")

"Are you thinking what I'M thinking?"




"Okay, will the real Santa please stand up?"

"Listen, sweetheart, I know some things about your Mommy that'll knock your booties off."

"Er. . . I don't mean to sound ignorant, but how do you steer this thing?"

"You put your left foot in, and you shake it all about. . . ."

"Presto! You're alive!"

"Having to do all my disco moves on my back really cramps my style. But just wait!"

"Hey y'all, are you aware of the optical illusions on this quilt?"
"There. I've got a good grip on the big one. Now, honey, if you'll come just a little closer. . . ."

I'm ready to be a grandpa anytime!

Before and After: The Eclectic Christmas Tree

A couple of days ago I showed you this lovely Sandhills-grown cedar tree. It has now been fully adorned.


With festive music of the season for our background, Judy and I systematically wrapped 300 bulbs and 30 feet of garland around our beautiful 8 and a half foot tree. It is truly an eclectic tree, with a varied assortment of ornaments, many of which have stories behind them. We have no over-riding theme-- we just select the decorations that strike our fancy or mood at the moment.

Judy especially loves angels, and we chose this lovely lady from three candidates that have topped our tree from time to time.

I love pewter, and several years ago used a gift card from my principal, Miss Nora McNeill, to purchase a beautiful set of nine pewter ornaments, each depicting something from Clement Moore's classic poem, "A Visit from St. Nicholas" ('Twas the Night Before Christmas). Each has a portion of the poem on the reverse side.

Many of my favorite ornaments were received from students. Here is St. Nick in his hand-tailored Carolina Blue attire (Alexander Julian, I'm sure).
We also spent part of the day assisting Thelma, Judy's mom, with her Christmas decorating. Amanda joined us for soup and sandwiches, and a good time was had by all. In my opinion.

Speaking of food, other than decorating, attending Christmas dinners has been prominent in our schedule of late. Monday night 50 of us enjoyed Beulah Hill's Men's Class dinner at Golden Corral. The previous Saturday, Grace Church of Southern Pines hosted a prime rib dinner for all church volunteers (that would be Judy). The food was excellent, and the entertainment was stellar, with Kevin Baker morphing from praise and worship leader into Buddy Holly. Kevin is immensely talented and infectiously funny and enthusiastic.

Going all the way back to last Thursday, we kicked off our holiday festivities with a delightful evening at Sandhills Teen Challenge. We have known Sal and Debby DiBianca almost as long as they've been in the Sandhills. Their Christian drug rehab program has been in Moore County 22 years, and the national program just turned 50! It was initiated by Nicky Cruz, of "The Cross and the Switchblade" renown.

Everything from the food, to seeing old friends, to moving testimonies, to the rocking singing of the Teen Challenge Choir made for a grand holiday kickoff. Visit their national website or our local Teen Challenge website to find out more information or how you could offer assistance.

As you can see, we've already had several highlights, and we have many more on our calendar. I'll keep you up-to-date. And I hope each of you has a meaningful, encouraging, and inspirational Christmas season as we focus on the birth of our Savior and what He means to us as His unique creations.

Deck the Halls! And Everything else!

Last week Chipper visited school with me and shared smiles with Jessie and other children. He was re-christened "Chipper Claus" by someone.Brent and Dalton make me glad 5th graders aren't too self-conscious to be photographed with my favorite monkey!

Back at home, we got a start on decorating last week. The Polar Express, it ain't! But it's a Christmas train, and as you know, I love trains. Plus, I got it at a yard sale!

Here's Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and entourage. With these lights, it looks more like a Holiday Inn Express or Motel Six.


But here's what our nativity scene really looks like.

Not only did this Christmas village come from a yard sale, but it was when I was on one of our West Virginia mission trips. They have yard sales every day of the week up there!

A Christmas visit at church gave me this Santa and helpers with ladder several seasons ago. At school, I used it to do a little brainteaser. I gave the children Math clues to help them guess which rung of the ladder Santa, elves, and Frosty were on. (Algebra-- and yes, it's in the third grade curriculum these days!)

And finally, our 2008 tree. Donald and Shirley generously offered for us to cut one on their property, and we thought this one was as perfect and full as any we've ever had (and we've had some real winners, as well as our share of Charlie Brown types).

In its undecorated state, like all evergreens, it symbolizes the eternal life Christ came to freely offer mankind.

I'll post before/after pictures when the decorating is complete. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Why are these people smiling?

Even though I'm the THIRD family member to blog about this, there may be a couple that haven't read Jennifer and Amanda's blogs (click on Green Grass and The Talbert Report at the left for the best details). The big news is. . . Jennifer has joined Amanda in the ranks of our pregnant family members! And there, I think, the list will end.

Amanda's gonna have a girl and Jennifer won't find out for a while yet. It's a win-win situation, anyway! Teachers, students, and office staff were ecstatic on our behalf when I shared the news at Farm Life yesterday. A huge number of folks there know Jennifer and Amanda or have kept up with over the years.

Lots of my future posts will pertain to all things "Baby." I've already got lots of ideas. Just one little tidbit today. Michael Blackwell, President of the North Carolina Baptist Children's Homes included a list of Top 2008 Christmas Gifts in the December issue of Charity and Children.

I'll close with this short version, which I wholeheartedly endorse:

While no one would advocate an end to Christmas gift-giving, there are some gifts that you don't have stand in line for at Toys 'R' Us -- or even bother wrapping-- that are sure to make your child truly happy.

• Start with your full attention, for at least a little while, every day.


• Like them as well as love them.


• (My favorite) As a rule, children adore their grandparents, and with good reason: their grandparents adore them. Spending time with them gives children the opportunity to interact with a set of adults who aren't constantly expecting something of them. (ha,ha)


• Give the gift of "loose time." The ability to work- and play- alone is an important predictor of future academic success. And one-on-one time with a friend, or more important, with someone who could become one is essential.


• Talk with your children about cutting back on the hype and buying meaningless gifts.


• Teach your children how to have healthy sense of skepticism when it comes to advertising.


• Give a book. Presenting a book to a child tells him or her that you value words, stories, and reading as much as you do flowered tights from Gap Kids.


• Finally, when you give the gift of spirituality, you're giving your children a lifelong friend, a lifelong source of compassion and love.

Parents, don't get caught in the trap of comparative giving. Do the hard work of buying a meaningful gift that will convey your love in a special way to your child. Bless a hobby, enable an experience. We all cry every year about spending too much money at Christmas. This year, save your money, and spend your time.

Dr. Michael C. Blackwell

(speaker, author, husband, father, and grandfather)

If I Remember Correctly

(Here's the "teaser" picture from Aberdeen Lake-- nine more are at the end of this post)

With a memory like mine, it just doesn't pay to go too many days without blogging. What's done is done, though, so I'll try to fill you in on what's been going on since Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving itself was wonderful, including the meal, family time, and a nice walk at Rassie Wicker park.

Friday, I cut wood from about 8 to 10, then got cleaned up for a lunch with Amanda and Stephen and his family from Atlanta. We enjoyed our usual meal at 195 in Southern Pines. Afterward, Judy and I went to Aberdeen Lake and walked their trail for the first time in years. It was the most pleasant weather of the week and we delighted in the wild ducks and scenic boardwalk.

That evening we had a terrific time at Joy's, featuring the grand tour of her new home, plus oyster stew, hot dogs, salad, and dessert. Good times, believe me!

Saturday we dropped by the Habitat for Humanity store, hoping to use two half-price coupons. Sadly, we could find NOTHING that seemed like a bargain, even at half price. The trip was far from wasted, as we made up for this at Aberdeen's new Salvation Army store. I found some exotic salt and pepper shakers (S&P's will be blogged about sometime this winter) and a couple of intriguing videos, Easter Parade with Judy Garland and Fred Astaire, and The Count of Monte Cristo, filmed in 1934. They were 99 cents each, compared to $3.00 at Habitat. See what I mean?

Judy made her famous turkey soup while I did some genealogy searches and checked up on ACC football. By 3:30 we had made some soup deliveries and I settled in for the Duke-Carolina football game. It was a great game, and I wouldn't have been at all surprised for Duke to pull an upset (a la N.C. State), but we survived.

Sunday was a pleasant day with turkey soup and grilled cheese. We were home early, but couldn't go walking because of the rain. That was okay, because church was called off that evening, allowing me to watch UNC play UNC-Asheville live instead of taped. It was a fun game, but not a close one. I finally finished reading my second "Jason Bourne" novel that night. It was very good, but I plan to read some shorter works during December.

Monday was a catch-up day and I actually did more than I expected. We headed to Staples so I could order 40 more copies of my book (let me know if you need one), then on to Wal-mart for a short list of items. Having easily resisted participating in Black Friday, we were jubilant as we breezed through the checkout lines with no waiting! After a delicious lunch featuring left-over ham, I hung and strung Christmas decorations outside. I may post some pictures of that later.

Today, I cut and hauled wood in our "outback" until getting cleaned up for lunch. Then I took Chipper (in his Santa suit) with me to play the piano at the hospital. I played Christmas music exclusively today, and wore my Looney Toons Christmas tie. Judging from the swaying, gyrations, and toe-tapping of the hospital staff and passers through, Feliz Navidad and Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree were today's favorites.

Well, for the moment that brings me up to date. I've got plenty of blog ideas for December and beyond. For now, I'm only going to post pictures from Aberdeen Lake.

Ducks galore!

I couldn't resist experimenting with lighting effects.

An artist's pallette of lily pads. Made me think of Monet's garden.

View from the boardwalk.

View OF the boardwalk.

That's the aeration fountain-- not a giant waterbird on steroids (Judy's contribution to this blog's humor).

All parks need Troll Trees!

At the gazebo, I utilized our camera's self-timer for the very first time ever!