When is a Clunker NOT a Clunker?

I must admit, I was probably one of the last people to hear about the "Cash for Clunkers" program the government recently offered. Not that it would have mattered. Ever since Judy and I have been married, we have specialized in squeezing the last mile from our vehicles. Let's see-- that would include my 1965 Ford Galaxy 500, her 1964 Plymouth Fury, a 1967 Oldsmobile, a 1978 Ford Fairmont, a 1976 Ford Granada, a 1978 Ford Granada, and a 1983 Ford LTD.

Judy brought us into the modern era with her 1998 Toyota Tacoma, a mere babe at just over a decade. That means our "new" 2003 (only car bought in this century) Toyota Camry qualifies as a newborn. They're the most reliable vehicles we've had in our entire married life. But that's not to say the others were "clunkers." They needed their share of repairs and pampering (sometimes cajoling) but they all served us well.

Well when the "Cash for Clunkers" program came to pass, we knew we didn't need another set of wheels, no matter how sweet the deal. But we did have THREE additional vehicles on the property which I haven't mentioned yet.

Allow me to introduce:
1973 Pontiac Catalina. We knew all three of the previous owners before this car came to us. Raw power, widetrack Pontiac. And believe it or not, just barely over 100,000 miles on the odometer! Gas guzzler? You bet. Clunker? Not on your life. You know cars over 25 years old don't qualify.

Next, allow me to introduce our lovely (and stylish) 1990 Toyota Camry. This was the first car Jennifer ever bought and it got her through college and beyond. Then she sold it to Amanda. It got her through college, too. Just barely. With a little tender loving care, it came back to me to provide dependable transportation until I retired from school in 2008. It's still a backup for me, with 206,000 miles on it. But a clunker? Nope. You see, it still gets about 30 mpg.

And finally, the 1973 Mercury Montego Station Wagon. Daddy bought this car new and took me to Chapel Hill from Atlanta my last two years at UNC. He put the first 220,000 miles on it, then gave it to me. Since then, I'm up to 280,000 miles, and the powerful V-8 and transmission (both original) show no sign of failing. I drove this car to school for several years before switching to the Camry for better mileage. It was affectionately known by students, parents, and staff as "Woody."

I have hauled literally tons of firewood in this car. It's also my "dump" car. We've even hauled our yard sale canoe in it-- that's right--INSIDE the car! We've taken a load of family and friends to the Pinehurst Fourth of July Fireworks. My pals at Eastwood Service Station take good care of it and all of our vehicles, so it looks like it will be around for a long time.

This was a great car 36 years ago.

It's still a great car today. A Clunker? I don't think so. By virtue of age and being something of a gas guzzler, it doesn't qualify.

I appreciate the government helping me clarify our situation. While I used to think we had three Clunkers scattered around the place, now I know better.

These words seem to describe them better:

• ANTIQUES
• CLASSICS
• OLD FRIENDS

But CLUNKERS? BITE YOUR TONGUE!!!